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My apologies for the big, Neanderthal bite taken out of this wrapper, but a friend gave it to me "as is." This is a typical example of candy that's supposed to somehow make you super-healthy and strong.

Sure, it has no preservatives, but please note the ominous and sneaky term "chocolatey" on the wrapper. This means that you're not actually getting any chocolate -- just a synthoid, congealed spread that is reminiscent of chocolate if all your senses are dulled.